Canuck here, reporting from the balmy 54115. Last week, our office athletes took to the tundra and competed for the top spots in this year’s Element Games. So, who won the day and who totally bit it? Let’s take it from the top:
Day 1: The Shovel Shot Put
As an innocuously evil way to weed out the weak, we started #ElementGames18 with an outdoor event, the Shovel Shot Put.
We’re going to blame the data connection on the temperature.
You didn’t need a measuring stick to know that Marcus won. I know what you’re thinking – “he doesn’t even go here!” It’s just embarrassing that a Kansan who most recently relocated from Austin, TX won a shoveling challenge against native Wisconsinites. All bitterness aside, congrats on the gold, Marcus!
Day 2: Swivel Chair Curling
Fulfilling the middle school fantasies of those of us who didn’t own a pair of Heelys, day two’s event had competitors hurling coworkers across the concrete café floor in a rolling chair.
Derek’s natural brawn combined with Lori’s effervescent, weightless personality won them top banana. Also, Derek TOTALLY didn’t drop that chair on Bree, so we’re feeling #blessed all around.
Day 3: Hallway Hockey
A play on wastebasketball, Hallway Hockey had slap-shooters trying to get balls of paper into a wire trash can. Our Facebook live audience had their retinas burned out by Mike’s blaze orange (and sparkling personality).
Based on her understated, totally classy demeanor, we never expected Amanda to beat Ryan, our resident hockey player, and take home the Au for this event. Maybe she’s secretly Canadian, eh?
Day 4: Ice Chipping Challenge
Don’t you hate it when you leave your red cup in the Redneck Refrigerator*? Day 4’s event simulated this Wisconsin party foul, with competitors attempting to free a bottle cap from a Solo-cup iceberg. To amp up the comedy and difficulty levels, athletes were required to don gripless oven mitts and break the ice with dull butter knives.
Kayla claimed her Ice Queen throne and started an oven mitt trend, all in one day.
Day 5: The Great Tube-Off
On Friday afternoon, our teams summited Ariens Hill in the new Titletown district (trendy!) to learn who is the master of gravity. The Great Tube-Off would also crown our Element Games overall winners.
Despite some serious beard wind-drag that experts predicted would derail his performance, Eric shot down the hill to win gold. If you were in the Ashwaubenon area, you may have heard a sonic boom … we’re not saying that was Eric. (We’re not saying it wasn’t him, either.)
It was a close one, but the meta-named Athletes from Element were our overall winners. So, what have we learned from Katie, Amanda, Ann, Mike T., and Kayla’s victory? When you pick a really unoriginal team name, you have ample creativity, stamina, and brain power left over to PWN your coworkers in the face.
See y’all in two years for #ElementGames20.
*Outside, for anyone north of Highway 10.