Water Cooler
Back to All Articles

Rabid wolf attacks man in lobby

The whole office remained very quiet after a sudden and unprovoked wolf attack in the lobby of Element Creative today. What started out like a normal day of shredding paper and refilling coffee mugs took a unexpected turn for office watchdog Danielle. “I was just sitting at my desk in the lobby tuning into my Michael Jackson channel on Pandora when I smelled the familiar scent of Lumberjack Noon cologne and the guttural growl of some wild animal.” says Danielle Papineau. What followed could only be described as a scene from the 1981 movie The Howling.

“I saw Lance Peroutka walking to the door and out of nowhere this wolf just sprang at him. It grabbed his leg and started thrashing about like my Aunt Penny trying to do the chicken dance at a cousin’s wedding!” Danielle went on to say that this wasn’t the first time she’d seen this particular wolf in the area. It seems to have marked it’s territory in the lobby and had been seen laying there most of the day. But until it attacked Lance, it didn’t seem to be bothering anyone.

Soon after the attack, Ross Atkinson, one of Element’s web gurus, was seen fleeing the scene. When approached after the attack to see if he saw anything he said, “I didn’t see anything, I was just trying to un-clog a paper jam in the conference room.” Oddly, there is no printer in the conference room, but additional questions to Ross went unanswered.

Lance is a little shaken up but came out with only a few scratches. “All in all, things could have been worse, all Lance needs is a couple of shots and he should be ok” says Danielle. She did not elaborate on what he would be doing shots of, but we think it will be probably something pretty strong.

On another note, wolf burgers will be served to the staff at Element and their guests all day tomorrow.


Be the most enlightened person around the water cooler.